I forgot about you today. I genuinely forgot the way your words ignited my soul’s peak,
Nathalia Advria Jade Onayomake
and it frightened me. Like a sweet smell that dulls and then fades,
is this what losing a loved one to death feels like? One day you remember,
and I’m talking about remembering everything, every single detail that once was a crucial milestone, to
now it being a crumb swept and disposed of. I forgot about you,
and instead of relief I felt such guilt, like how much your words and sweet voice made me believe love
was ever real; how much, when seeing your eyes, I had hoped that love would greet me with open arms to
embrace. Silly me, tricks are for children who still believe the world runs on make-believe. I forgot about
you, but whenever I dig deep, you’re still there.
No matter how hard I try to shake you away, you’re a reminder that I failed at finding room to keep you
stored in, a reminder that you can very much grieve the living.
Photo: Crawford Jolly
Read our “Camouflage” issue in full
RAWGUE.’s 4th issue delved into the grey, moody, and cold atmosphere of winter. Yet it did not sink into the depths of madness or depression. Instead, it embraced this season of hibernation, allowing 31 artists from all over the world to present their timid work beneath a veil of quiet beauty.
Nathalia is a London-based writer and graduate of the University of Birkbeck, where she studied Creative Writing. With a background in poetry and screenwriting.
